Ladies and gentlemen, I have it on good authority that the truth has been twisted as it relates to the recent Somali pirate, hostage rescue debacle.

As it turns out, President Obama NEVER authorized attacks on the pirates. Angry at the thought that he is being considered to be a hero for making such a brave and noble decision, the president released the following statement:

“Let me be clear. Look, ahh, ummm, I never once authorized those attacks on the pirates,” Obama stated from the White House, reading methodically from two transparant planes of glass to his left and right ensuring that each got equal eye contact so the other didn’t get offended and file a complaint with the ACLU. “I was pretty specific that I was authorizing A TAX on the pirates.”

You heard it here first! I now return you to your regularly scheduled reading.

Posted on April 22nd, 2009 by CJ
Filed under: Uncategorized